Just Piss Off Would You

For those of you who have watched As Good As it Gets, please picture the scene in the restaurant where the waiter follows Helen Hunt's character around the restaurant with her drink as she moves from the bar to her table.

An amusing little scene you might think, as she weaves her way around the restaurant occasionally glancing back to see if he is still following. Allow me to state that in real life, she would, were she anything like me, have wanted to turn around, grab the drink (no point it going to waste), and punch him in the face, but hey, maybe that's just me.

Cut to yesterday; finding myself with a half hour to spare before meeting some friends, I decided pop into the nearby chemists, you know the kind where they sell everything from condoms to carpets, for a quick browse. No sooner had I crossed the threshold that a shop assistant henceforth known as The Prat sidled up to me asking if I required any assistance. Being in a happy frame of mind, I smiled and said "No thanks, I'm just having a look around."

Now you would think that message was simple enough to be understood by anyone who has mastered the skill of tying their own shoelaces, but clearly I was mistaken, instead The Prat seemed to have heard:

"Yes please, I would like you to invade my personal space by walking so close to me that you're tripping on my heels and hovering over my shoulder, and please make comments about every product I so much as even glance at."

Oh joy.

Not wanting to wind myself up and end up in a shitty mood, which I am wont to do in situations like this, I waited a few minutes and then plastered a smile on my face and said:

"Would you mind leaving me to browse on my own, honestly if I need anything at all I'll call you straight away"

Translated into Prat speak this clearly sounded like:

"Please pay no attention to me whatsoever and continue to piss me off as much as you would like" as he nodded, said "of course" and didn't move an inch. OK then.

I was left with three possible choices:

1. Allow The Prat to continue to hover until I can bear it no more and exit (not bloody likely)
2. Leave without saying anything and hope he doesn't follow me out (Ahh, the high road)
3. Turn around carefully to avoid actual contact, tell him to bugger off and calmly stroll out of the shop (there, that feels better)

Prat.